


Not Enough

by arinwrites



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Basically, M/M, Self-Hatred, like not hardcore this is for the sad feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:28:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7495680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arinwrites/pseuds/arinwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Arin spills his hot chocolate and breaks down about anything but the hot chocolate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Idk??? I got an idea and it happened??? Danny fluffball Avidan gives love to his snuggle man Arin but also it's sad so watch out for that.

It wasn’t like Arin was a stranger to feeling down, but he could swear on his life that he had never like such a failure. Everything he did lately felt inadequate- and at every corner, he was screwing something up. He just wanted to get away for a while, so he had walked himself to a little café a few blocks away from his house and planned to take a break for the day- he had even called Danny and told him not to bother showing up at the grump space until tomorrow. All he wanted was an hour or two to sit and think and _calm his fucking nerves._

The fans understood that he was busy with multiple projects at a time, but he still worried that there would be some sort of backlash for the immense amount of time he was taking on animating another Sequalitis as well as trying to write new Starbomb songs with Dan, and making sure to film enough Game Grumps to satisfy their audience. He loved his job- loved that he could call what he did his job- but sometimes he really loaded the responsibility onto himself and gave no time for stress relief.

So Arin was going to get a hot chocolate- with as much whipped cream on top as his heart desired- and then he was going to sit at a table in the back of the cafe and draw. Nothing for youtube, or animating, just for himself.

Which honestly- it would have been a good plan if he wasn’t such an idiot. Or at least that’s what he told himself- that he was a worthless fucking idiot as his warm cup of hot chocolate hit the floor of the coffee shop, splashing everywhere before he could even take a sip. Some had even managed to splatter along the table and seep into the pages of the brand-fucking-new sketchbook he had bought. A kind lady who had been working behind the counter quickly rushed over with a mop while Arin spat out a litany of apologies for making a mess and being so stupid.

Even without knowing him, the women wore a troubled expression at Arin’s self-degrading apologies, assuring him that accidents happened and that he was completely fine- she even offered a fresh cup on the house when she saw the troubled man’s eyes fill with tears. Arin just waved her off with a generous tip and sat in the seat behind his ruined sketchbook, holding himself up with fingers threaded through his hair as tears added to the mess below him. He wasn’t supposed to be crying- not here- not in _public._

By then he must have been making a scene, catching pairs of accusatory eyes as well as some concerned ones staring him down as he stood up and picked up the sketchbook, tears still streaming down his face as he slammed the ruined paper into the trash can with a bang and exited the café. He ignored the looks people gave him while he walked down the street with watery eyes, too busy with his mission to leave. Because _fuck it_ , he knew where he needed to go. To Danny’s house.

-xxxxx-

“Danny, I-” Arin felt a lump in his throat, a feeling that caught him off guard as he walked into Dan’s room and tears started welling up in his eyes again. Damn it- he wasn’t going to break down, he came here to ask for what he deserved, not to ask for a pity party. He didn’t deserve gentle, soft touches from Dan, he deserved something more firm and strict- some control. He bit his lip and held back a sort of sniffle as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye before it could even drop.

He was going to man up about this, even if it was the last thing he did. “Danny, I-” Arin nearly admonished himself out loud when he realized that all he was doing was repeating his own words- stuttering over them like some blabbering idiot. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, briefly allowing his eyes to fall shut before speaking. “This is important, Danny. I-” Arin cursed at himself as a tear finally fell, wiping it away as the unwanted thoughts of worthlessness and weakness flew through his mind. He was doing this because he felt guilty- he did not want Dan’s comfort. “I think I need you to punish me, things are uh- I messed up.”

When Dan saw Arin in the doorway of his room his first instinct was to be excited as he looked up from the book in his hands, knowing that Arin wanted to be with him; however, that feeling quickly diminished into something much more serious when he finally read the expression of the man in front of him, catching the guilt and obvious emotion in Arin’s eyes. God- the guy looked he was about to burst into tears. And wait, had he just said Danny? He must have really needed something, he only used Danny when he really needed something. “Are you okay, Ar?” Dan quickly slipped into a fresh state of mind- one that told him to take care of Arin. “Why would you think that you need punishment, Big Cat?”

Arin winced at the loving nickname Dan had given him, willing away tears yet again at how loving and thoughtful and caring the man really was towards him. He didn’t deserve it, but Dan loved to disagree. “No, Dan. I’m serious. I have fucked up so much this week and I think you should-” He took a deep breath in the middle of his own sentence and attempted to compose himself, failing to keep away a few tears as his eyes slammed shut. “I think you should punish me.”

Dan frowned, setting the book in his hands on his bedside table and welcoming Arin to his lap with open arms. “Sit with me, Baby Girl. Talk to me.” He could see the way that Arin hesitated before letting his eyes fall open again and walking reluctantly to the bed as if questioning whether or not to let someone console him. The man did, however, slip into Danny’s lap eventually, letting gentle hands and strong arms envelop him in the warmth of another body. “You know that I decide when you deserve punishment, what’s making you so upset?”

Arin tried to ignore the hand carding through his hair as he leaned back against Dan’s chest, but something about the way Dan held him made him feel safe- protected even. He didn’t want it. He wanted to feel guilty and awful and horrible about all of his mistakes because that was what he deserved. Damn Danny for always knowing how to calm him down, even if it was only just slightly. “I’m not working fast enough, Dan.”

Arin let his tears start flowing when Dan couldn’t see them, feeling the warm streams trail over his cheeks and down farther when he didn’t bother to wipe them away. “The next Sequalitis has been in the works for over a year, I get messages asking about when the third Starbomb album is coming out on the daily, and it’s hard to keep up with episodes for the chan-” He was cut off when Danny cradled his face a little too gently, shushing him softly.

“Woah, woah- slow down. Calm it. None of those things are your fault, you’re a super busy guy.” Dan let one of his hands slip under Arin’s shirt and run over the man’s back, noticing the way that Arin tensed and stayed that way. It was obvious that Arin was stressed and unwilling to give up the blame that he had unfairly placed upon himself- not that Dan wasn’t going to try to change the man’s mind. “The lovelies know that you’re trying, baby, they understand.” It was easy to slide Arin gently from his arms, letting him lay on the bed

A hand cupped Arin’s cheek and wiped a few stray tears away, attempting to calm stressed nerves and unwarranted self-loathing. Dan waited patiently as Arin composed himself, words still a little shaky even when he did. “I need punishment, Dan. I keep screwing everything up- I’m not good enough.” Dan pressed a kiss to Arin’s forehead as he slid between the younger man’s legs, letting his hands glide in reassuring circles on Arin’s sides.

Even with the soft reassurance, Arin was struggling to hold back tears, his eyes closing as he sobbed silently. It pained Dan to see Arin this way- his bottled up emotions finally tearing him apart- but Danny knew what he had to do, no matter how much punishment Arin wanted. “I can’t punish you for that, Arin.” Dan trailed his kisses down to the younger man’s cheek before finally pressing their lips together carefully, only lingering briefly before pulling away. “I can’t punish you for something that you can change right now, baby.”

Arin opened his red, tear-laden eyes at the words from the older man, a broken expression on his face. Dan wasn’t going to give him what he needed- he was going to make Arin fix himself. “Danny, I can’t. I can’t-” Dan’s worried eyes cut through Arin’s words, but tears continued to flow with no remorse. He didn’t deserve to be treated like this, like a perfect and flawless human being. He tried to speak again but this time, Dan spoke to cut him off.

“You can.” Dan moved down to kiss the younger man’s neck, every movement of his lips and every drag of his teeth gentle and forgiving. He could tell that Arin was holding back moans, only a few breathy noises escaping before he pulled away. “You’ve just got to tell yourself that you’re doing your best.” Danny’s lips traveled back to Arin’s neck, slowly descending down to his collarbone while words were spoken against his skin. “And you are, baby, you really fucking are doing your best because you are the best.”

Arin’s hands were balled into fists at his sides, tears flowing down his face in a steady stream as he tried and failed to not want what Danny was offering. It was wrong of him to desire such treatment when he hasn’t earned it, any other time this would have required hours of showing his obedience. “Dan, I want punishment, I need it- Why won’t you give it to me?” He could sense the lie in his own words, a sinking feeling in his stomach as his chest heaved and the tears really started flowing.

Danny lifted his mouth off of Arin’s neck and faced the man again, staring into his eyes when he heard the waver in his voice. That waiver only meant one thing, that Arin was trying to cover up real emotions with a distraction. Dan was not one to tolerate that. “I know you want something else, Arin. _I know._ ” Dan’s hands rested on Arin’s cheeks, catching tears as they held the younger man together. “I could try to punish that out of you all that I want, but it won’t fix a single problem.”

Arin reached up to pull Dan’s hands away from his face, using his own to wipe away the tears that rested there as more quickly took their place. With that one hardly noticeable action, something in Arin’s expression was completely broken, his eyes staring off into nothing as Danny looked on worriedly until sobs exploded into the room. They were still quite quiet but they held a certain amount of feeling- of strong force. “Oh my god, you’re right, I don’t even want that.” His body shuddered while his voice sounded terrified as if he was just now realizing what he was saying.

Even with the raw, helpless emotion, Danny couldn’t but have a soft half-smile of an expression, a twinge of relief filling him at the sudden breakthrough. His hand gently stroked along one of Arin’s arms, causing a small shudder to run through the younger man’s body. “That’s right, let it all out, tell me what you really want, Baby Girl.” Dan slipped his own shirt over his head before reaching for Arin’s, waiting for some sort of go ahead to tell him that it was okay.

Dan was caught off guard when Arin reached down to pull the shirt off, eyes gleaming with tears as he pulled the older man closer and doing nothing more than pressing a kiss to his lips. He knew what he wanted, but that still didn’t mean that he thought he had earned it. “All I want is for someone to hold me close and tell me that everything will work out. I want someone to love me and really care. I want someone to fuck me gently- deep and drawn out thrusts as I silently cry out. But I don’t deserve that, Danny. I don’t deserve you.”

Dan frowned as he pulled Arin’s pants down easily, hoping that he could make the younger man feel better very, very soon. Danny wanted nothing more than to give Arin exactly what he wanted because he had more than earned it, he truly deserved to be treated with love and respect no matter how much he believed otherwise. “You do, Arin. You deserve everything.” He pulled his own pants out of the way and onto the floor before leaning in for a few more tear-drenched kisses. _“I’ll show you.”_

Arin took a deep breath and closed his eyes when Dan’s fingers hooked themselves under the waistband of his boxers, giving him exactly what he wanted when they were pulled out of the way. “You really don’t have to, Dan, I should be able to deal with this myself.” He was caught slightly off guard when a slicked up finger was pushing inside of him- wherever Dan had gotten the lube from was a mystery.

“Shh, baby. I’ve got you. You need to let go and enjoy yourself.” Dan smiled and pulled the younger man back into a kiss before he could protest, sighing against his lips when he relaxed slightly and allowed Danny to continue what he was doing. He couldn’t deny that it felt nice, especially when another finger slipped in next to the first, but he still felt an overwhelming amount of guilt that came with enjoying himself.

Danny really did intend on taking things slow and gentle, considering that it took at least 15 minutes for him to deem Arin ready before finally stripping out of his own boxers and pushing inside of the younger man extremely cautiously. It was almost torturous how much pain Dan was determined not to cause him. It felt wrong to be overwhelmed by pleasure at a time like this. It was just one more thing that he had done wrong in a list of many. The feeling only intensified when Danny started trailing kisses along his jawline, causing those godawful, unwelcome tears to start flooding down his face again. “I- I don’t deserve you, Dan, I don’t deserve you affection and your care. I’m a waste of your time.”

Dan continued to attack Arin with sweet, soft kisses until he felt the tears dripping down the younger man’s face, looking up to see the conflicted expression that Arin held. He truly believed every word that he was saying about himself- that he didn’t deserve love and affection- and it broke Dan’s heart to know that. “Arin, you are the best person that I know.” He started rocking his hips slowly to give Arin something else to focus on, hoping that the man would realize just how much he was loved. “You deserve all of the love that I have to offer and every minute with you is the best of my life, not wasted- not something that I could ever throw away.”

The way that Dan rolled his hips quite literally took Arin’s breath away (briefly), a tight ball of heat coiling in his stomach as Danny hit all the right spots just like he always did. Dan always took such good care of him, the older man was more troubled with Arin’s feelings than his own. “I love you, Arin, don’t you ever forget that.” Danny’s hand moved up to jack Arin off while they moved in rhythm, wanting to give Arin release as soon as possible to calm his nerves.

Arin felt guilty for every bit of enjoyment that he derived from Dan, but he was slowly losing control of himself, getting close to the edge much sooner than he wanted to and dreading the release. He knew that Danny would work him through it, tell him how amazing he was when he really wasn’t- he was just some normal- if not below average guy with too many problems. “I love you, Danny. But you shouldn’t love me.” Arin bit his lip as Dan’s pace sped up just slightly, not allowing himself to make any noises of pleasure.

“That’s not true, Baby Girl.” Dan knew that Arin was getting closer with every movement of his hand, enjoying every steady thrust of his hips but not wanting to show it. It pained him that the man was trying to hide himself away, but at least Dan could give him this, keep trying to reassure him until he finally started believing it. “I want you to say that you love yourself, Arin. Say it for me.” Arin’s eyes closed, only leaving more tears as he took in the statement- the command.

He knew that he would never be able to say that- not now at least- maybe when he had his life together, but not now. Not when he felt this worthless and weak, which meant that he was disobeying a direct order. One more thing to add to the list of fuck-ups, a list that he could very well think of while on the cutting edge of an orgasm. “I can’t, Danny.” Arin opened his eyes to look up and into Dan’s, complete sincerity filling them as he spoke. “I can’t say something that I don’t believe.” His eyes were forced shut again when a wave of intense pleasure surged through his body, his senses only vaguely aware of Dan’s whispered praises and continued thrusts.

Everything went almost eerily silent as Arin came back to himself and Dan pulled out of him, feeling tired and weak as their eyes met again, the look of sadness transferred to Dan’s face instead of Arin’s. This time, tears were threatening to spill out of the older man’s eyes too, but he held them back. Arin didn’t deserve that right now. He deserved love. “Can you try to believe it for me- that you love yourself?”

Arin sighed, a shaky breath passing his lips as he leaned up to give Dan a kiss, savoring every moment that their lips stayed pressed against each other. “I don’t think that I can- not right now.” Arin ignored the few fresh tears that fell, noticing a few from Danny as well. “I’m sorry.”

Danny pulled Arin into the biggest hug that he could manage, more uncontrolled tears slipping down his cheeks. “I love you, Arin.” They stayed that way for what felt like hours, a response resting on Arin’s tongue for a few seconds too long. “I don’t deserve you, Dan.”

Their bodies fell closer in the room full of emotion, and the house fell silent.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second work for a nifty little angst competition that @legendofgrump created


End file.
